Days 16

You may have one of those things in your past. When you were young and you thought that you are free to do anything in the world. When you felt like every moment should be seized and every dream should be fulfilled. These days it can easily be described as YOLO. You know, you only live once.

But then one day you wake up all grown up and have taken a few responsibilites here and there, with the wisdom enough to do better than use Yolo as an excuse. And then, on one fateful day you see the remnants of what you did in the past and just have a look of disbelief and suddenly ask yourself what really made you do it in the first place. You know, the after effects of those wild things you did when you were young and free. I happened to have that same experience today, and it was equally shocking as the last time I had it.

Still, many people can consider me a late bloomer. I was right in that. In my student days, I studied like my life depended on it and literally had no time to dawdle around or have a social life. It didnt help that I was studying in a state school with a course that I barely understood. Those days I worked like hell nad prayed like an angel, so around that time I never even had the chance to do silly things.

But come the time when I graduated, passed the board and finally had a job away from home. Finally I am free, and that was the only time I realized that I can already do the things that I was deprived from. You can imagine someone being in prison for twenty years or so and finally experiencing the freedom to do anything you want. I hardly had any responsibilities back then. All the money I earn I spend on myself. So you can just imagine how wild and crazy i was at that time. Sometimes, I get painfully reminded of it by my friends, who can still remember those times. But these days I have little to no contact to those friends who knew my wild side, and for all I know the people who are around me most of the time presently think that I am a silent reserved shy girl that had nothing to do with wildness and had since the beginning of time followed the rules and no one would really connect me to the girl I was before. That was all for the good of my career, and my life. It was a hard five years or so but I finally made the reputation of a safe person. 

But still there were times when your past actions would creep out to the very corners of where you last hid it, and it will catch you by surprise. This time I saw the very young writings I had when I was young and wildly in love. Of course this was the second time I fell in love but then the things I did for that love was so embarrassing that I could not even write it here without having to rethink of the consequences again. So yeah, that happened. But this time, I find myself too different from my past that I just smille with wisdom and wonder if I would be able to go back to time and meet my past self. I would want to pat her on the back and tell her that everything will be all right. No use worrying about such trivial things. And maybe thank her. Because without those mistakes I wouldnt have gathered all these wisdom in the first place and have these happy memories without any regrets