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Days 21

I spent the whole day not doing anything! And it's great. On second thought, it did look like something I would also do on a typical workday, except that I would be in the office doing the least productive thing in the world, but just for today, I can lay down while doing it, and it was geat. I was able to watch three movies and the major part of the season 24 of the Simpsons, all while pulling an all rounder for the levels in memrise. I had fun, I was able to relax. Tomorrow, it will be back to reality again, and I dont even want to go back because they purposely set the day to be very long. As in up to 7pm at the earliest and 9pm at the most. I might get back home late at night. It's so bad that way.

Still, not as bad as the nights I had to deal with when I was in my old job. I mean, It might even be earlier than the nights I was forced to have and even in the slackest season my earliest time back at home was no earlier than 10:30. Times like this I say to myself it could be worse.

I know, that at the beginning of every job contract you have you have this nice warm fuzzy feeling like this was the best job in the world, but like all other relationships, when that fuzz is gone, you begin to see it as it is, and you would be more nitpicky about it. And then you ask yourself if this is something you realy deserve, when months back you were saying to yourself that you got more than you deserve. I've been through those stages three times already. By now, I feel like I have to quit. But then I keep saying to myself to hold on, and plan like any wise person nearing her thirties would. I mean, if I quit now, i would be jobless, and I would be out of the funds I used to finance my family. That would put me in a lot worse state than what I am feeling right now.

Times like this, you need to remind yourself of your dreams. True enough, I still want to pursue my masters degree, and being more ambitious this time, I want it to be in the University of the Philippines. More ambitious than this, I want to take up law, and become a tax lawyer. (Not those criminal lawyers you see a lot on TV) I want the time off from traffic, the right to avoid rush hours so I can rest more at home. Like the typical office worker should. I want to hurry up and pass the JLPT N3 so I can move on to N2. I want to have a boyfriend who I will eventually marry and start a family. I want to be rich and have my own businesses someday. Yeah, those kinds of dreams that never fail to motivate me and make me smile whenever I'm down, thinking if I ever made the right decision at all.

And then, you see yourself from a different angle still. Like, this job is just something part of a plan, but once we achieve the said plan we can safely move on to the next level. I keep praying to God, that, he find me a job so much better than this one. That, if this job will not allow me a better salary and not provide me with annual bonuses, he find me with another company that will, and, who would be drastically nearer my home and provide better benefits, with a much more caring boss that understands me, with a much more flexible time schedule for me to go home earlier and a better employee scheme program that gives me a car and annual salary increases significantly higher than this old one. It may sound impossible today but I would keep praying for it. For this miracle. Because, God was the one who gave me this job in the first place. He would never fail me. He would always give what is best for me. 

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