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Days 29

Thinking about building my funds and then I thought...

There really has to be a time when I go on and face the music, to stop denying that everything is alright, and that I can simply do the things I want for such a long time. How did it come to this? For starters, things definitely got reset when I quit my former job and chose something closer to home. Then you realize that, compared to always being in the center of the action and attention, I am more inclined to being alone and writing things, the kind I always do these times.

Before I knew it, I reverted back to the person I once was back in my student years, in my first job, the kind of person who is silent most of the time and would be shy and more reserved. With the exception of my friends in audit, many would believe me to be a shy, reserved boring type of girl. I dont blame them. What I learned is that it surely does take a lot from me to always be the laughing stock of all my friends, and to have the reputation that isnt really me. Well, maybe a part of me. Soon, I felt all the pain from all the taunts that used to not harm me at all. There were lots of times when I just want to escape from the world and be left alone for once.

For almost a year now, this became my reality. Even in church, I would meet new friends, but then some mood would hit me and I would stop talking to them and not give any contact whatsoever. Its not their fault, really, but mine. I cant even explain in to myself it just happens. The only people I could not avoid are my family, because I practically dont have a choice. But then for a long while now I even stopped hanging out with my friends.

I could not even imagine the effect this would have on the friendship I made over the years. With the actions I did they are right to ignore me back and tell me that we wont be friends anymore, and to that effect I wont have any friends in the world. I am scared about that but I am more scared that I would just actually accept it and choose a hole in the wall as my companion. Thats just how deep I'lve become in being comfortable with being alone that it scares me. Not at the moment but in the future. What would happen then, would they keep me in total isolation, when the people I love the most leave me one by one? It would be a ifferent story if I would be the one to die first. Anyway, before this goes deeper, I would stop.

The point is, I realize that if I really want to earn enough passive income I would have to face them someday. Because, like what they say in the movies, no man is an island. 

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